When you get stuck in your head and lose connection with your heart it is difficult torelate to people and to life in a way that feels satisfying. Even if you are doing everything “right” on paper it just doesn’t feel right from the inside.
We live in a very head-based culture, with a very head-based education system. When we are under pressure we often revert to being mental and disconnect from the heart.
If we have been very hurt in the past the feelings can be so overwhelming that we escape into our head. It is a place where we simply do not feel much and so the pain appears to subside. But we cannot connect with each other in a meaningful way from this place.
Sometimes it’s hard to realise you are in your head so here are some key signs:
- Incessant thinking, going over the same situation repeatedly.
- Worrying about absolutely anything at all.
- Endless intellectual curiosity and fascination – whilst struggling to relate to others fully and deeply
- Insistence on logical argument when talking about subjects that are essentially non-logical, non-linear, emotional or spiritual.
- Judging, criticising and being opinionated about anything (or everything).
- General argumentativeness, competitive conversation, one-upmanship.
- Desire to analyse and understand, rather than feel and experience.
Learning how to come from the heart is not easy to do by reading, because if you are in your head you will tend to read from your head as well. It is best to learn from people (real human beings!). But I can give you some reminders and pointers to help you on your way.
Here are some ways that actually work, if you allow them to.
- Stop talking and listen
Listen to other people and keep listening. Rather than proving yourself and how clever you are (or how much you know, or how much you have experienced etc etc etc)seek to understand, accept and appreciate the other person. Avoid judgement at all costs.
- Slow down and feel your way
Allow yourself to slow down, become less active and feel what’s going on around you. There’s no need to perform or be the centre of attention. Feel the ‘vibe’ of the room, the people or the situation. Become aware of how you feel yourself as well. There’s no need for commentary or analysis. Just feel – for its own sake.
- Be kind
Kindness comes from the heart. When you want to criticise, judge or express your opinion take a moment to step back and connect with kindness. And especially be kind to yourself.
Take some time to appreciate whatever is going on in your life. A really simple and powerful way to do this is to sit down quietly and say out loud, “I appreciate… because…” And repeat over and over again until you feel really good. You can appreciate the tiniest things for really simple reasons. It is the act of appreciation that works.
- Make peace with people who have hurt you
I cannot explain how to do this in an article, but I want to mention it because it is a powerful way to pen up your heart and reach a place where you have easy access to heart-based connection all the time. If you know that you have unresolved hurts from the past I recommend you get help with this. It is possible to heal anything that has hurt you, however terrible it may have been, and this is simply one of the most valuable things you will ever do for yourself. Please feel free to email me if you have questions about this.