The simple way to turn an argument into an opportunity

The simple way to turn an argument into an opportunity

He says something that drives you crazy. He’s said it many times before. She does something that you can’t stand and it looks like she’ll never change, because she’s been doing it like that ever since you met. You have been triggered by something and it sets off a little storm inside your head. You react – probably you know you shouldn’t react that way, but you do anyway. He or she reacts back and before you know where you are, an argument is in full swing. You have probably had almost exactly the same argument before, many times over, with little variations. You know it’s not going to go anywhere, but you can’t find any other way to respond. The two of you are locked in a pattern that repeats over and over again. Sometimes it lasts for days, weeks or even years. You get used to it but there is a deep inner feeling of slight disappointment, as if you have lost something. You wish it could all be fresher, more inspiring – a little more magic and a little less predictability. What you probably don’t realize is that this is your golden opportunity to find that little bit more magic, that inspiration and freshness that has been so lacking. If this is new to you, it may be a bit challenging to understand at first, but I encourage you to persevere. This knowledge has turned relationships around in both short-term dramatic and longer-term more profound ways. Here’s how to look at it. You are made of energy, as we all are. So you are, in essence,...
Why The World Needs More Lovers And Less Warriors

Why The World Needs More Lovers And Less Warriors

The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz has been recommended to me many times so finally I got round to listening to it as an audiobook. I was hooked from the very first story – a beautiful, simple explanation of how we transmit love to one another. He goes on to give a masterful description of how our education and upbringing, almost from the day we are born, condition us to lose touch with who we really are. The personal and social consequences are disastrous. I had heard many times that the first agreement was to “be impeccable with your word.” It always gave me a slightly uneasy feeling. I was reminded of how many times I have promised something to someone and failed to deliver. You know, those little passing promises to do something or send something to someone which then get forgotten. When the real meaning of the first agreement was explained – so different from what I had expected – it was such a relief. It was not another exhortation to be a moral and dutiful person, who never forgets anything, is totally organised and generally above reproach in all ways. It was about recognising the power of what you think and say about yourself, above all, and never putting down your own true self to be someone other than who you are. As I listened to the explanations of all the agreements I thought of one person after another who I wanted to share the book with, including many clients. It is another way to make sense of what I have experienced for myself, learned...
Miracles are still possible

Miracles are still possible

Miracles have been getting a bad press recently. So many promises have been made over the years by so many teachers, but many people have not experienced the results they expected. And yet, I want to hold out for miracles. Another one happened just yesterday. The most common miracles for me take place in relationships. I usually get to hear about people’s relationships when there is a lot of anger, disappointment and blame (or much worse). Of course it is always the other person who is apparently behaving really badly. I know from personal experience that even when you are very conscious and have done a lot of spiritual work, the minute your partner starts to do something that triggers you it is amazing how fast you can drop into blame and making him/her wrong (and yourself right). And for all women out there, I am willing to bet that when you can avoid getting into blame it is because you are trying to fix him. So you come across as if you have all the answers and you are in control, while he is the poor struggling guy, or the nasty guy, or the lost unconscious guy, or the arrogant guy…….or a whole lot more. And it drives him crazy or he just shuts down and stops responding. And then of course you think he needs fixing all the more. There is no real communication in this scenario. Most conversations seem to go along familiar tramlines that you have been along before. Neither of you really listens or understands the other person. Both tend to feel self righteous....
The alchemy of relationships

The alchemy of relationships

Why do the people who are closest to us seem to be the ones who also hurt us the most? In my experience it’s no coincidence. When we understand what relationships offer us, especially in their more painful moments, it opens us up in ways that we would never otherwise discover. In fact, it’s one of the most direct ways of discovering and becoming who you really are – your true self. Most of us experience the feeling that there is a person inside us who is trying to get out – the real person, or the person we feel we really came here to be. It can be intensely frustrating when you can’t get in touch with that person and leaves many people feeling sad and disappointed in life. Interestingly when we have problems with our closest relationships we often blame the other person for stopping us from being the person we want to be. We imagine that if only we had a different partner, or they didn’t treat us that way, everything would be fine. So let’s look a little more deeply at what’s going on. I will give you a couple of examples, because it’s much easier to understand that way. Suppose you have a partner who criticises you all the time and makes you feel you are never good enough, whatever you do. There is a reason why this is happening to you, and specifically why they are criticising you. It’s because you contain that kind of energy inside you – the energy of criticism and ‘not good enough’. There are two most likely scenarios...
If you are kind to other people how come you are so hard on yourself?

If you are kind to other people how come you are so hard on yourself?

It appears to be highly acceptable these days to be very kind and loving to other people and desperately hard on yourself. I frequently meet people who wouldn’t dream of hurting another person and will go out of their way to make sure they treat others with the utmost respect and yet they are really harsh towards themselves. They criticise themselves all the time and often have almost impossible expectations of themselves. It looks like this might be the more moral way to be, but I’d like to explain something about energy so it becomes crystal clear why it is so important to treat yourself as well as you treat others. This is vital to understand if we want to stop to the endless cycles of pain and hurt that many people are experiencing. We are all made of energy – scientific fact. That means we have a frequency or a vibration that emanates from us all the time. Our experience of life reflects that frequency back to us. If we have a frequency of love and kindness we experience a life of love and kindness. If we have a frequency of poverty we are poor. If we have a frequency of resentment or bitterness life will feel harsh and bitter to us. The frequency we emanate not only affects our personal experience of life. It affects everyone around us as well. So our families, friends and work colleagues receive this vibration from us, whether they are conscious of it or not, all the time. In fact, since we are all energy, and there is no real separation between...
The heart of the matter – relationship, relationship, relationship

The heart of the matter – relationship, relationship, relationship

Do you have a partner with whom you share a strong, loving and mutually satisfying relationship? Do you feel at peace with your parents? Are you friends with your children? Do you experience love and ease in your friendships? Do you have mutually supportive and respectful relationships at work? Are you at peace with all your relationships and friendships from the past? Do you love and respect yourself and look after yourself really well? Do you have a connected, satisfying and rewarding relationship with the Light/Divine (or any other name for God/Energy/Spirit/the Creator)? Do you love your life? If the answer is yes to all of those questions your heart is wide open and you are probably experiencing a lot of peace and happiness in your life. You are a shining example for people all around you and you are bringing great joy to others as well as to yourself. If the answer to any of these questions is no you know what it feels like to have closed your heart, maybe because you felt hurt or misunderstood or ignored. Even if you work hard to be positive and loving towards others I am sure you can still feel some sadness or loss around the relationships that are not at peace. When your heart is open you feel at ease within yourself and you can experience the best of what human life has to offer. Trust is your natural state of being, life feels benign and you are relaxed and peaceful. Fear, doubt and worry have no place in your world. It doesn’t take much for our hearts to...
3 ways to make prayers and requests for divine help more effective

3 ways to make prayers and requests for divine help more effective

I want to write about praying and how to ask for what you want from a divine source, because I have watched so many people fail in their requests. Now this is a topic on which there is always more to learn, so this is only my observation and experience so far. But I have experienced so much failure and success in my own life and seen both in so many other people that I can say there is a science of prayer which is well worth exploring. 1. If you’re really desperate just pray for help. The biggest mistake most people make is to pray from a position of desperation. I personally find that the best prayer when I am really desperate is totally simple: “Please God (or whoever you want to address) help me.” That is all I ask for until I feel better. When you feel really desperate there is very little point in asking for anything specific (money, healing, solutions to problems). You have lost any sense of solutions being possible and all you need at this stage is to establish some connection with the Divine. Get the line open so a little light can shine into your situation. If you keep it simple at this stage it works very fast and you can feel better within seconds or minutes. Once you feel better you can start to get more specific. 2. Ask directly and keep yourself out of the way. A very common way of praying is to ask for help to do something or get something. “Please help me make more money.” “Please...
Howard Wills Prayers

Howard Wills Prayers

If you want to start a daily spiritual practice it is helpful to have guidance to begin with. Howard Wills is a healer who has written some very powerful prayers that lead you naturally into a high state of consciousness by reading them aloud. It takes about 20 minutes to read all of them and it is a great way to start praying. If you want to pray spontaneously try reading these first. Your own prayers will probably feel much more powerful once you are at that higher vibration. They are also really good for practising forgiveness and love when someone has hurt you or upset you. Some people say these prayers many times throughout the day if they need urgent help with healing or handling a crisis. You can find the prayers...